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Tiger Woods on Video Blames Pretty Sore Neck on Car Crash

Article by Karen Fish

Tiger News Video

How do you spell Mary Jo Kopechne? Named after the parents of the Jewish born Messiah of Christianity and Islam, Mary Jo Kopechne must be laughing down from Heaven at Golf Idol Tiger Woods.

On Sunday Win McMurray of The Golf Channel reported that Tiger Woods withdrew from the 7th hole at the Player’s Championship because of a “bulging d**k.” Win McMurray meant to say “bulging disc”, but the Freudian slip may have been closer to the truth.

Yesterday at a news conference Tiger Woods told reporters that “there was absolutely no connection, absolutely zero, on the Kelvin Scale, the temperature 5,000 feet under the Ocean where a volcano of oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane except when the planes, like today, are grounded by clouds of Volcanic Ash. Today Tiger’s swing plane coach Hank Haney quit. At least Ashley Simpson lip synched on Saturday Night Live; to this date Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren have refused to speak with the investigating officers about the Thanksgiving Day Massacre Car Crash.

Yesterday Tiger Woods told the reporters and the world that “there was no connection, absolutely zero,” between the Thanksgiving Day 2009 Car Accident and his sore neck, which put him in such pain “that I just couldn’t play through it anymore.” Surprise!! Tiger, at your Masters News Conference, the very first question you were asked was, “What were the injuries from the car accident that sent you to the hospital?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sGdBD4VdtE At 3.14 of the youtube video, Tiger Woods answered, “Yah, I had a busted up lip, 5 stitches in my lip, and a pretty sore neck.” One of the causes of a ruptured cervical neck disc is an accident.

Just before the scandal broke, Tiger Woods gave an interview to Murray Deaker. Murray Deaker said, “Tiger, family first?” Tiger answered, “Always.” Tiger’s mistresses have claimed that Tiger often told them when they said, “But you’re married”, Tiger replied, “Yes, but my marriage to Elin Nordegren is a sham, created to give me an image as a respectable family man, for my endorsers.” Tiger Woods has made a billion dollars in edorsements. On Saturday at the Player’s Championship the police tased a Florida golf fan who had the outright audacity to criticize Tiger Woods publicly.

Tiger Woods lives in a gated community called Islesworth, in Windermere, Florida, near Orlando, which the gulf currents are about to cover in oil, to the east and west if BP doesn’t shut off the underwater volcano of oil soon. The gated Islesworth community is home to numerous CEO’s and has its own security force. Why do these CEO”s feel the need to live behind gates, and walls, and have their own security force? What are they afraid of?

The Thanksgiving Thrilla in Manilla Car Crash came two days after the National Enquirer mentioned that Tiger Woods was having an affair. There are two versions of what happened. You decide which one makes smore sense. We will examine what would motivate the people involved to lie. A hint would be the Devil’s Golden Cow.

The first reports were that Tiger’s injuries were life threatening. Then the tentacles of the cover up run deep. It’s amazing the secrecy a great iron game can buy you. The police report does not mention Tiger Woods’ injuries, only that they were “serious”. The Hospital Spokeswoman gave a press conference and said that “Tiger left in good condition.” When asked what the injuries were, she replied, “I can’t tell you.” Why is that?

Rachel Uchitel is reportedly also sleeping with F.B.I. agent Sealy Booth. Dr. Temperance Brennan will be doing the M.R.I. today on Tiger’s neck. Windermere police Chief Daniel ‘Hello’ Saylor said that when the police arrived ‘Tiger was lying in the street going in and out of consciousness mumbling incoherently,’ an a obvious victim of a concussion. The back of the neck on mere mortals forms part of the head. The Cadillac SUV was totalled when Tiger, the human with the best hand eye co-ordination on Earth backed out of his driveway, drove over a fire hydrant and then smashed into his neighbor’s tree.

When the police arrived, after he had been unconscious for 6 minutes, plenty of time for the ref to count out Buster Douglas, Elin Nordegren was in a frenzy, hysterically hovering over him. Elin told the police that she was in the house when she heard the crash, and she ran outside and broke the back window with a 2 iron to get him out. How does that work?

In these cases the patient is put onto a board and a neck collar put on to prevent paralysis. The officers held the delirious punch drunk Tiger Woods to the ground to restrain him. Tiger was taken to Health Central Hospital in his Yacht, ‘Privacy’. How did the paparazzi army miss this scandal for so long?

The officer said that the rear window was broken but he couldn’t explain exactly how Elin removed Tiger. When you drive a Cadillac Escalade the doors do not automatically lock if you don’t set them to. The front door windows were not broken. The dubious officer said, “She supposedly got him out and laid him on the ground.” Everyone else did.

Patrol Spokeswoman Kim Montes said “We don”t believe that this is a domestic issue.” Tell that to Tiger’s dream team of international divorce lawyers. OK Magazine of Nov. 28 reports that TMZ said that ‘Tiger told a friend that he ran to the car at 2.25 a.m. after a frenzied argument with Elin where she punched him in the mouth, causing lacerations to his upper and lower lip and 5 stitches, and she followed him to the SUV with the 2 iron and as he pulled away she hammered in the back window,’ distracting Tiger and causing him to drive over the fire hydrant and smash into the neighbor’s tree. Windermere police found no blood on the stering wheel.

Now Tiger says that his neck injury is absolutely not connected to the car accident. A couple of days ago he said he didn’t know what caused it. Now he says practising for the Masters caused it. The guy has hit 8 trillion golf balls with no neck injury; now, after the accident, he’s walking off the course in agony at Sawgrass as the poice tase his detractor.

Whhat would motivate these people to lie? Famed psychic Sylvia Browne channeled Johnnie Cochrane. Johnnie said, “Elin is being protected from serious criminal charges. If Tiger implicates Elin, who knows what she has on him; steroid use? If Tiger implicates and angers Elin she will bury him in the custody and support battle. If Tiger admits that he is out maybe permanently because of the car crash, it refocuses the world back on the car crash and the infedility triggering it. His image, worth billions, will be shot. Compare Tiger’s legacy to that of Ben Hogan who in an imminent car accident threw himself on his wife, saving her from injury, and he broke every bone in his body.”

After the Thanksgiving Day 2009 crash, Pepsi Co., the owner of Gatorade said, “We understand from Tiger’s team that he is fine and we look forward to seeing him back on the course soon.” Define “team”. Judge for yourself. Which version of events makes the most sense? How do you feel about the credibility of the star witness? Do you believe Tiger that his neck injury had absolutely nothing to do with the car crash?

About the Author

Karen Fish is a writer currently living in Los Angeles, California.The Temple of Love http://www.thetempleoflove.com